SHIT!!

As I had messed up my way to besi beach, I had been revolving around the coast up to marina and secretariat. I always had such problems and recently it was getting worse. I kept forgetting people’s face, those I’ve met once or twice or their names. Worst of all I forget the routes in and out of the city. As I finally found the route and was heading for my destination I was receiving all sorts of pleasant praises from pillion my friend, until we reached the beach. “E.G you are the worst driver I have ever met. How could you forget this route? You are the worst driver!! ”.

As his chants continued, and we neared the beach, a traffic police stood near the junction in which we had to turn and he stood in my way forcing me to stop. “Now what”, I wondered. “Take off your helmet and stand over here”, came the order. What!! What does it mean? Am I going to be sued for something? Or doesn’t he have money for the night? Damn it. Whatever it was I had the feeling that it wasn’t good. He had some sort of white colored remote control with a pipe sticking out of it and there was a photographer waiting to take a picture. I was confused to the extent. “Take it in your mouth and blow.” he told me pleasantly. And a green signal kept glowing on it. As I wondered what that light was supposed to mean there was a flash. I wanted to shout at him to stop. Alas!! He had taken it. The police asked me to leave. Was this some kind of elephant and a mouse story? Who cares! Am gonna leave. But as usual curiosity killed venki and he asked,” Sir, what was that for?” “Are you drunk?” “No sir.” “Then go.” Ahaaaa! So that’s what it was all about!

With comments that I am a ‘drunkard’ from my friend we entered into what was once the connecting road between the two beaches but now completely submerged in huts, garbage and ditch. Of course we had to get through the thorns to smell roses and pluck them. So as we passed through the thorns, we were confused to see that the thorns were trimmed by the Government. Yes, the route to the remains of the bridge was changed. The shrubs were cut and the route was actually passable. I thought that we had entered into some kind of an endless loop of black road with beach and walls on both sides. I feared that we had to stay in the loop for ages and ages until the black shadows engulfed us into its own self. This was the effect of a horror movie we had seen the night before.

My fears came to an end as the bridge came into view. Still something was wrong. Even the position of the broken bridge seemed to have changed somehow and every one of us were able to sense it. “Hey something is wrong here.” Sridharan said to everyone present. S.. too shouted the same as I made the grumpy noise from the movie we had seen. That was enough for every one of us. We got into our bikes and headed straight for S..’s home. As S.. ate his dinner and was getting prepared for the usual ‘night stay’ Sridharan was entertaining us with the bike of S….. He did wheeling, stoppies and stunts for which I have no names, S…’s mom wondered why he was doing such things.

Suddenly, Sridharan declared. I and S…. are leaving first. You people follow us. He didn’t even wait for our reply. He took S…’s bike and flew off. A note I would include here is that Sridharan is the most proficient and best bike rider in our gang. His control over bike is too good and the pillion would usually sit with confidence because ‘he’ was riding. Later, S... and S…. too went off separately as they had plans to secure the second part of the movie. I and K… started for home in our bikes when suddenly he said,” hey you proceed; I forgot my bag in his place. I’ll get it and come.” This seemed too odd. Wherever we went, we go together and today everyone was flying separately. Well, whatever it was I was too hungry and I wanted to get home as soon as possible.I didn’t even had the idea of stopping at an accident near the velachery road. As I was standing exactly on the right side of the road (accident took place on the left side), someone adjacent to me said,” Probably that would have been a goner.” I shuddered at the thought of how it would be if it was someone I knew. Hunger came again and I went straight home.

I had no thoughts of going for a night stay that night. I was too tired for that. My eyelids and my eyes kept fighting all the time I was eating. As I had just finished my dinner, my phone alarm began. Thinking that S.. always hated this noise I took it and to my surprise he had called me. My surprise was mainly because he had called from his cell. He almost never did that. Great! As I said ’hello’, he started shouting at me. It was all nothing but non-stop nonsense. All I could make sense was only one thing. Sridharan had an accident near velachery and was enroute to vijaya hospital. SHIT!!

As you call it.

Sitting in front of my one-in-all box (also called computer by others), I was playing one of my favorite strategy game fervently in full swing, when my home mobile (supposed to be mine) jingled in its own violent tone. “Ah! A forward.” I thought as I paused the game and checked it. A miracle! Abhinav (of course name changed) had messaged me,” free?” Curiosity started killing Venki and he replied immediately,”yes what da?” I guessed he wished to say something as he confirmed this three or more times before asking me a silly question,” My friend girl proposed to me. What should I do? Am confused. What would you do if you were in my state?”(Try answering this if you wish…chuckles.) Seriously, I was unable to tell him anything then gave him a part of idea which was met with thanks. Phew! What is going on?

Is it that serious an issue to be considered? Isn’t this what happens during the so called teenage? Is this where our society is leading us to? Unwanted thoughts (I prefer not to use the terms) during study years completely desecrates him and makes him useless. This is may be just a fun game for some, too serious issue to give the A grade preference for some or else to just shrug it off and dust it off from shoulders for the rest. I seriously do belong to the third category. Seriously, I believe that you become able to decide about ‘them’ once you start working for your meals. I laugh at the thought that once I too had some stupid troubles and my one of my sweet friend had to put it deep into my brain that I must be knowing my priorities( KNOW YOUR PRIORITIES! DECIDE YOUR LIFE! YOU ARE THE ONE TO DO IT! ). Well, once you get to know what this stuff is all about I don’t think the problem would arise again and if it does, it becomes so easy to push it in the back part of the brain and concentrate on the work at hand..

This sort of feelings is nothing more than pure hormones (I do have to prove that I am a biotechnologist!!). The magic is done by just chemicals: testosterone, oestrogen, dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin etc.

Let these be aside. Let us consider that ‘A’ has some special feelings over ‘B’ and ‘B’ does reciprocate to ‘A’ in the expected way. They hang out with each other for a while; have extended phone talks and messaging over mobile; probably boast upon their so-called success to their friends. This sort of stuff goes on for a while and finally one will back off or they find a dispute, quarrel over it and move opposite. This is what happens almost (almost) always. Probably these are exact descriptions of what happened to Abhinav and many of my friends.

So here comes my conclusion. As I had already proved my point that it is chemical stimulated I had implied that it is unable to resist and I do say that it must be stopped. Confused? The answer is too simple: Just keeping them packed in a corner of your brain for a few days, probably weeks or months (certainly not more than a few months).

My Own Wrath

Stress has got me in its gripping hands,
Pushing me though; beyond the limits;
Those that are termed as end points of sufferings.
Suffering has just started for the Sinned,
For neither you nor He can give a hand.
All you filthy beings can is;
Just watch me bleed, break and cry.

Cries not born out of pain but anguish,
Being broken, not to surrender,
But to be triumphant on the bones of the Damned.
Bleeding, not to die as a puppy,
But to fool him and make him slips.

Hit me, Crack me, Shake me,
Twist me, Tear me, Mutilate me,
For every misery I bear,
My resistance grows and
Your hands tremble at every step.
Neither shall my suffering go untold,
Nor your paths of torture will be buried.


Thou are nothing more than a speck of dust.
Fool! Do you think I will give up?
Hear the truth: “For every suffering,
I bear; you shall face the same,
But along with my wrath- a hundred fold increased.

The beginning

It was eight thirty when Sridharan entered his standard X class. He had been studying in the same school for the past eight years and it had always been his habit to come earlier. It was his routine to come to the school one hour before the start of the classes. The class was deserted as usual when he came in. As time passed, he watched a few of his classmates running around here and there. A bevy of girls were sitting in a corner and were continuing their usual giggling and chattering. He paused thinking what would be their topic of chattering or if they needed one at all. Sridharan watched the students filling in as he dreamily sat in a corner without any thoughts. The bell struck. He checked his watch and the hands were at nine and five. All of his classmates filed in silently waiting for the arrival of their biology teacher. The bell struck again and after three hundred seconds he opened his botany textbook and flipped through it. After ten minutes the diagram of cell was drawn on the overused black, probably a grey board. Madam asked her favorite pupil the first question,” what is the content of cell wall?” The answer came at once, ’Cellulose’. Sridharan’s hand shot up. ‘Yes, Sridharan?’ “Ma’am but what is cellulose made of?” “Cellulose is made of polysaccharides which contain Carbon, Hydrogen and oxygen,” the favorite pupil spat out with a look of triumph in his face, satisfied with his own self. The class then gathered momentum as she started teaching of the further constituents of cell.

The bell rang four times signaling the beginning of fourth period, Sridharan’s favorite, Chemistry period. The topic was resonance in benzene. The Sir started his narration as he entered the class. He elaborately discussed the electron movement inside the compound and the corresponding structures involved in it. When two hands of clock were exactly away, sridharan’s hand shot up. This was usual for the chemistry teacher, to see his favorite boy’s hand, standing as a tower in midst of stony heads. His question,” Sir, How can carbon and hydrogen containing electrons, protons and neutrons think about them?” “Sorry. I can’t understand. Repeat it.” “Sir, our body is made of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen and we are studying about it. How can carbon and hydrogen by which we are made, think about themselves?” The bell rang and his doubt was lost in the shouts by his classmates. The teacher too as was his usual practice went out of the class before the others.

At four, the whole school roared with bells and Sridharan as usual waited for everyone to leave the class. He had found much pleasure in talking with animals, trees and objects other than his classmates. According to him the plants and nonliving objects were better companions to him than his classmates. But to his surprise, that day, the girl who usually sits before him was standing at the exit as if waiting for someone.

Puzzled, he walked out of the class and she too followed along with him. Confused, he looked at her. She was just following him. He continued walking and she came beside him and started talking, “Hi! I wanted to talk with you and that’s why I was waiting. Don’t you talk with anyone in class?” None has asked him this ever. He was angry but realized that it was an undeniable fact. She continued, “My name is Brindha. I think you know it and I am living in the street adjacent to yours.” He had known her name but din know that a classmate lived near his home. In fact he didn’t know any of his classmate’s home. She still continued,” I heard your doubt to our chemistry sir. I was not able to understand even a word of it. Can you explain me?” Sridharan had never talked to a girl before; his thoughts directly went to the nearest plant in the road out of habit. He started answering in the usual way, like how he spoke with plants and found that this was almost the same. But this ‘thing’ could wonder, make him explain more and ask doubts. She had thought him to be a proud and arrogant guy who thought others as speck of dust. Now he was emptying his mind and his thoughts to her. She knew that she was talkative and a carefree girl. But he was so different from her and she probably couldn’t get most of his words of explanation. Words came more freely from him now as they went on. Suddenly he stopped as she had stopped. They were at the end of his street. He did not know what to say. She filled in saying, “Hey, see you. My home is on the next street. Bye!” He too bid her farewell and walked by his street. He felt good to have someone to hear his talks. Remembering about his speech, more of a lecture, he went to his house.

Selfish thoughts

That’s me. An egoist. Probably being one such isn’t that bad. Because I am myself. Neither can I change it nor any one. Once when asked about my character one of my classmates gave this immediate reply,” You are selfish.” Actually it was an awkward situation for me at my class, but that’s the truth. Ain’t it? And I am supposed to face it. Well, I did accept it. Did I have any other go? Of course not. Ha! I should accept it.

First let me cut it clear. I never thought I would become such a character. Recently I heard that characters are born not made. But mine was made not born. I was molded into my present being by my own circle of companions though the more close ones tried to retain my old self the others wouldn’t allow that.

Well that’s how the world reacts. You keep doing a favor to an individual, you will be worth. But at an instance when you are unable to do it or when your one personal reasons or principles come in way and prevent you from doing the same you start going downhill.

So do I mean that we keep on going mechanically doing things that is justified as wrong by our inner soul? Certainly that’s the situation in most of the places. But this certainly is not supposed to be ethical. So there is a simple solution. Be like hydrogen dioxide. Be whatever in the surrounding you are and face the consequences as it is.
Finally when I met my surrounding bowl’s requirements here comes the big branding for me “A selfish.” Great isn’t it?

(As it is my first scribbling, I think this will be the worst scribbling. Pls adjust)