Apologies

Once Maadhavan, a friend of mine (definitely not the film star) called me at around twelve in the midnight and said, “Hey EG how are you da? I am so sorry da. I have many a times acted rude and insensitive to you . Have neglected you and have been indifferent. Am sorry for all of it.” Well…. How do you think should I respond to it? I didn’t know what to do. So I said, “Hey why asking sorry and all. Chill! It’s ok da! No problem! Free... blah blah blah (formality speech)” and ended the call. I don’t know what made him to ask such an apology with self-confessions of his guilty acts. At first, shocked to hear such words, I started rewinding and replaying all the happenings and times when he had done wrong. Once I started reviewing all this, automatically all my wrongdoings and mistakes also followed. So the next day morning, it was my turn to ask an apology to him. The next day I repeated the same dialogue stated by him the previous day followed by the same blah blah blahs…

This apology that I asked acted like some sort of primer which initiated a chain reaction of many apologies that followed for the next few days. I started pondering over my mistakes and intentional insults and bullying that I have done till now and apologised for it. (Now, don’t act as if I am the only one who has done a bad act intentionally! Everyone does so, but the degree may vary! ) So, it was a pretty short list with some ten to fifteen names in it as far as I could remember. To some people to whom I was able to contact in phone, I called them and apologised just as maadhavan did. To some others who loathe me, I apologised through sms (may be that itself is rude! But whateva! It doesn’t seem like that to my conscience and that’s wat matters the most in the end to me) and for overseas contacts and for those with who I’ve lost all contacts, email, fb and gtalk was the means of apologising.



Of all the people I have apologised, they always came from one of the four basic categories.
1. People who were truly innocent and I was the real culprit and all of them forgave me with a warm heart and open hands. Usually their reply was similar to this, “Why bother asking after such a long time. It’s not even necessary. I don’t even remember it properly. Forget it!” or “It’s ok da. I have forgotten those things long back. It happened when we were stupid kids!:) ” I was truly happy after asking an apology to these people and made a note of never to lose them in my life!

2. People with who I’ve started the whole ‘wrong doing’ process and they took on to it after me. They weren’t as gracious as the previous group. Their words went on similar to this,“ Fine… it’s ok! Both of us didn’t know how to act and you acted weird. It’s forgiven. Am glad that finally you found the courage to ask an apology. Good! “My inner voice said, ”OMG! You are talking as if am the only one who is guilty. You are equally guilty, you self-righteous jerk.“ Unable to put this thought into words, I was just able to give polite thanks with all the blah blah formalties. Note made to myself: Keep a fair distance away from them in your life.

3. And then, there are those who have so proudly insulted me in front of others and in return I too have done a fair amount of damage. These people are the last ones who you want to apologize. They are not just self-righteous but also too proud of their actions that they still acted as if I was guilty right from the beginning and at present, I was the erred man and they, the forgiving God! And the worst part is, I can’t point that out to them after asking an apology and bring about another hateful conversation. So I became a wagdoll and nodded to every word they said. My inner voice scolded myself for going so low and talking to such ‘bragging bsratads’ (if you know wat I mean!). Note made: Goodbye... My dear!


The happy part is, most people were too gracious and apologised for their mistakes too and they fell in the first two categories. And I don’t have to talk about the depressing stuff since I have rambled on it throughout the post.

After all this happenings, why did I publicly come out and confess all that has happened??? Well, it’s not my mistake... a friend of mine who knew about my apologising series wanted a detailed explanation of why, how and the outline of what has happened and hence the post!!
Hope some enjoys it while the rest curse me! :P ;)