Broken Love

Let me rest in peace; Let me forget you
And let me suffer in solitude.
But please take from me,
Your aching memories.

Making my life a living hell;
You Haunt my days with ghosts from our past.
Haunting my days with every minute I cross;
You made my life a soft toy in your hands.

The groaning cry that emanates
When you come in my dream.
And the searing pain that implodes
When the dream vanishes in reality.

You forget my words and the promises we shared,
You disregard my love and the days we spent
You lose my love and lost yourself,
As you burn my soul,a can of carcass.

Let me live; Let me breathe
And let me smile once more
Please give me back my reason for life.
Give myself back.

P.S: Inspired from the song " Po Nee Po" of the album 3.

Declaration of Principles by Paulo Coelho

Lines taken from the paulo coelho's blog: http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/08/07/statutes-for-the-present-moment-2/

Sharing some of the lines that stole my heart!!

1. All human beings are different. And should do everything possible to continue to be so.

2] Each human being has been granted two courses of action: that of deed and that of contemplation. Both lead to the same place.

3] Each human being has been granted two qualities: power and gift. Power drives a person to meet his/her destiny, his gift obliges that person to share with others which is good in him/her. A human being must know when to use power, and when to use compassion.

4. Each human being has been granted a virtue: the capacity to choose. For he/she who does not use this virtue, it becomes a curse – and others will always choose for him/her.

5] Each human being has the right to two blessings, which are: the blessing to do right, and the blessing to err. In the latter case, there is always a path of learning leading to the right way.

6. Each human being has his own sexual profile, and should exercise it without guilt – provided he does not oblige others to exercise it with him/her.

7] Each human being has his own Personal Legend to be fulfilled, and this is the reason he is in the world. The Personal Legend is manifest in his enthusiasm for what she/he does.
Single paragraph – the Personal Legend may be abandoned for a certain time, provided one does not forget it and returns as soon as possible.

8] Each man has a feminine side, and each woman has a masculine side. It is necessary to use discipline with intuition, and to use intuition objectively.

9.Each human being has the right to seek out joy, joy being understood as something which makes one content – not necessarily that which makes others content.

10. Each human being must keep alight within him the sacred flame of madness. And must behave like a normal person.

11.The only faults considered grave are the following: not respecting the rights of one’s neighbor, letting oneself be paralyzed by fear, feeling guilty, thinking one does not deserve the good and bad which occurs in life, and being a coward.
Paragraph 1 – we shall love our adversaries, but not make alliances with them. They are placed in our way to test our sword, and deserve the respect of our fight.
Paragraph 2 – we shall choose our adversaries, not the other way around.

12.We hereby declare the end to the wall dividing the sacred from the profane: from now on, all is sacred.

13. The impossible is possible

Share with all!!

Pangs of Hunger

Tear down the clouds,
Ignite the sun,
Freeze the moon and
Purge the world.

Enough of
The deaths;
The cries;
And the tribulations.

Paint the moon red
Paint the night red
Paint the sky red
And wash the nations with blood.

Cleanse the world
Of the putrefying humans.
Set fire to them all
For a child died of hunger.



Set them ablaze
In the smouldering pangs of hunger,
And from the ashes,
Let the new order begin.

A world devoid of hunger
A nation united by bonds of blood
And a society lacking prejudice
But filled with pride of who we are.

Inspired from:
தனி ஒரு மனிதனுக்கு உணவில்லை எனில் ஜகத்தினை எரித்திடுவோம்
- மகாகவி பாரதி
If there is no food for a single man, then let's burn the world!!
- Mahaakavi Bhaarathi

Apologies

Once Maadhavan, a friend of mine (definitely not the film star) called me at around twelve in the midnight and said, “Hey EG how are you da? I am so sorry da. I have many a times acted rude and insensitive to you . Have neglected you and have been indifferent. Am sorry for all of it.” Well…. How do you think should I respond to it? I didn’t know what to do. So I said, “Hey why asking sorry and all. Chill! It’s ok da! No problem! Free... blah blah blah (formality speech)” and ended the call. I don’t know what made him to ask such an apology with self-confessions of his guilty acts. At first, shocked to hear such words, I started rewinding and replaying all the happenings and times when he had done wrong. Once I started reviewing all this, automatically all my wrongdoings and mistakes also followed. So the next day morning, it was my turn to ask an apology to him. The next day I repeated the same dialogue stated by him the previous day followed by the same blah blah blahs…

This apology that I asked acted like some sort of primer which initiated a chain reaction of many apologies that followed for the next few days. I started pondering over my mistakes and intentional insults and bullying that I have done till now and apologised for it. (Now, don’t act as if I am the only one who has done a bad act intentionally! Everyone does so, but the degree may vary! ) So, it was a pretty short list with some ten to fifteen names in it as far as I could remember. To some people to whom I was able to contact in phone, I called them and apologised just as maadhavan did. To some others who loathe me, I apologised through sms (may be that itself is rude! But whateva! It doesn’t seem like that to my conscience and that’s wat matters the most in the end to me) and for overseas contacts and for those with who I’ve lost all contacts, email, fb and gtalk was the means of apologising.



Of all the people I have apologised, they always came from one of the four basic categories.
1. People who were truly innocent and I was the real culprit and all of them forgave me with a warm heart and open hands. Usually their reply was similar to this, “Why bother asking after such a long time. It’s not even necessary. I don’t even remember it properly. Forget it!” or “It’s ok da. I have forgotten those things long back. It happened when we were stupid kids!:) ” I was truly happy after asking an apology to these people and made a note of never to lose them in my life!

2. People with who I’ve started the whole ‘wrong doing’ process and they took on to it after me. They weren’t as gracious as the previous group. Their words went on similar to this,“ Fine… it’s ok! Both of us didn’t know how to act and you acted weird. It’s forgiven. Am glad that finally you found the courage to ask an apology. Good! “My inner voice said, ”OMG! You are talking as if am the only one who is guilty. You are equally guilty, you self-righteous jerk.“ Unable to put this thought into words, I was just able to give polite thanks with all the blah blah formalties. Note made to myself: Keep a fair distance away from them in your life.

3. And then, there are those who have so proudly insulted me in front of others and in return I too have done a fair amount of damage. These people are the last ones who you want to apologize. They are not just self-righteous but also too proud of their actions that they still acted as if I was guilty right from the beginning and at present, I was the erred man and they, the forgiving God! And the worst part is, I can’t point that out to them after asking an apology and bring about another hateful conversation. So I became a wagdoll and nodded to every word they said. My inner voice scolded myself for going so low and talking to such ‘bragging bsratads’ (if you know wat I mean!). Note made: Goodbye... My dear!


The happy part is, most people were too gracious and apologised for their mistakes too and they fell in the first two categories. And I don’t have to talk about the depressing stuff since I have rambled on it throughout the post.

After all this happenings, why did I publicly come out and confess all that has happened??? Well, it’s not my mistake... a friend of mine who knew about my apologising series wanted a detailed explanation of why, how and the outline of what has happened and hence the post!!
Hope some enjoys it while the rest curse me! :P ;)

A mail to Yodhakaa

Due to the uncontrollable awesomeness of yodhakaa songs i've finally and for the first time sent a mail to a band praising them!! :D





Subject: Pure awesomeness!!

Haven't heard such songs in my lifetime!! Awaiting your next album!!

Especially jataa kataa song is extraordinary! i have no words to describe the magic that comes when your music and the sanskrit verses are mixed together! It is like the perfect mixture. An ambrosia to the listener's ears. It seems to be the panacea which can cure all the ailments for the mind! I really feel fortunate to have heard such a music.

Thank you so much for giving us such a composition!

Your dearest fan,
Venkatesh E.G

FRIEND??

(The poem was written around 3 years back when I had a big fight with my friend and we never spoke for 1.5 months! Posting it again after request from another friend!!)

Words, the music I heard from you,
Look, the most protective cover I had,
Does it had to shine and wane?
Can’t I come out of this bane?

The hatred, which comes without words,
The stare that makes heart stone,
To be in company, yet alone.
To be with mates, yet not you.

Let the sun turn ice cold,
Let the moon turn blood red;
Let seas freeze; mountains crumble;
For my friend turned me away

To walk solemnly through life,
To reach my end without your company.
O! Friend hear forth my words,
“Thou hath lost me.”

Let the sun turn ice cold,
Let the moon turn blood red;
Let seas freeze; mountains crumble;
For my friend turned me away.

I pity you; you angry me;
I loved you; you hate me;
You shall regret and feel ashamed,
But have no remorse for you had me.

The Elastic Toy

There I was,
Sitting at the edge of my seat,
Staring at the infinite stars,
And counting every tick of time,
As I wait for the reason of life.

Neither can I trust the sun,
Nor can I doubt the moon,
For the cruel tricks they play,
Makes time an elastic toy.

Pulling a few strained out seconds
To last for ages.
But bringing years of happiness
In a few blessed minutes.

Sickened by love,
I lay alone stranded
For ages and ages,
Awaiting her arrival.

Thrilled by my love,
Time runs ahead of me,
Gobbling up hours of time,
And sparing me a few minutes.

An Introspection

Enough said of the legacies India has given to the world hundreds of years back. After 64 years of being an independent country what have we achieved independently to brag about? Every year when January or August appears, we start chewing the same old corn of what religious leaders have done for the country, how independence was achieved and how finally India emerged as a democratic country.
Why have we never given a little introspection on our country nor have we ever tried to change us or our surroundings a little bit? Let me walk you through a few social and political threats India has been facing from Independence to this date.
India - a country devoid of caste, creed, ethnicity and geographical distinctions?
India widely boasts itself of being a secular country which treats every citizen equally irrespective of caste, creed and sex. How far is this valid? We can’t find a single institution, both Government and Private, which doesn’t have a column of community, caste and language in it. I was under the impression that it is only the Government and politicians who create this divide for their own monetary and vote gains which proved to be wrong a few days back.
A simple difference of opinion on fixing exam dates in my post graduate class resulted in complete pandemonium. Being a class where people from all over the country come together, it is a mixed population where we can find people from Tamilnadu to Kashmir, Rajasthan to West Bengal and from the metropolitan city of Delhi to tiny town of Tenali. Once a quarrel between two parties started, people started taking sides. Ultimately it became South Indians versus North Indians. The ‘Northies’ accused some of their friends for not participating in the bicker as they were south Indians. The same happened in the other group finally creating a split between the class. I have been wondering since then that from where North and South India came in fixing exam dates. When this is the case in a highly reputed Government Institute where every single person is highly intellectual, how can we expect the illiterate and the commoner to have the feeling of national integrity and unity?
The possible solution is to remove columns of caste, creed and community from all applications which I hope would result in removal of the same from the hearts of many Indians in a few years.




The Voter and the Voted:
When India is referred as a democracy, it does naturally imply that people are the supreme authority for who the Government provides service, by who the Government is being formed and from who Government is created. If so, why did we the citizens of India uproot all the social obstacles that India has faced so far? The mistake must lie either in the hands of the voter or the voted. Unfortunately, both the voter and the voted stand guilty.
When the constitution of India was being framed there were hordes of men who were illiterate but still held high moral values (Kamaraj, AnnaDurai etc.). The constitution could not deny such esteemed leaders their right of participating in elections and neither can they deny their right of vote. Thus came the right of Universal Adult Franchise and right to contest in elections by every single citizen of India. But at the present age when even many of the ‘educated’ have loose morals and where corruption is the law of the land, the illiterate become easier targets of vote bank politics and money for vote. Politics has become a money minting occupation that requires neither qualification nor a basic skill. It has even degraded to an extent where local gangsters have and are still successful and respectable politicians.
As for the voters, the illiterate become victims of ‘money for vote’ politics or they are brainwashed by parties which tempt them by feeding freebies. The literate who have the ability to bring a change shun their voting rights and stay at home.
The possible solution can be to bring about a change in the two rights stated above. The voter must definitely have an idea of the happenings around the nation and a minimum qualification must be affixed to excise the right to vote. Also the right to vote must be made compulsory and failing to do so should be made a punishable offense.
The voted must definitely satisfy all the above said criteria and also must show a definitive thirst for social causes by actively participating in social activities for a minimum of two years. Such credible certificates by organizations must be exhibited and verified by the election commission immediately after the candidate files his nomination papers before the election dates.
Though these ideas seem to be far from being realistic, I am sure such drastic changes are required at dark times to prevent India from falling into wrong hands that are capable of selling the our country for a few pennies.

Miracle of a Second

A moment of blunder made,
To be resented for a lifetime.
A second's thought of triumph,
To bask in glory for years to come.

A minute's whim,
To make one curse for ages.
An 'either-or' option,
To mutilate your destiny.

And a lax mind,
That brings untold misery,
For whole future.

An instant flash,
When two eyes dash,
Is all that requires,
For love to bloom, or enmity to brew,
For a fit of action or a bit of compassion.

An instantaneous idea, A moment’s mistake,
A random error, A flashy bang (big-bang),
Is all that is needed,
To create life and to end it.
To push a man to grandeur Or pull him to abyss.

In a second,
Lies the thread of destiny,
Tied to the fate of Universe
To be played upon
In the hands of Nature.

Photo courtesy: Ruban Rex

Betrayal

Trust was all that I had in you,
When you threw it into gutter
And spat in my face
Inviting retribution and pain.

Kneel before me; Pray to me;
Plead and cry for your filthy life
For I am your master,
Your soul keeper and life sucker.

Run amuck or hide around
But do remember the sweet truth
That there is no escape
From my wrath and fury.

Squirm in pain
And die with fear
For vengeance is now
My sweet pleasure

Beware!
You mortal fool!
Better lick my feet and be at peace,
Than to betray me and wish for death.

A day when I was dumb

One fine day out of nowhere a sudden thought struck me! I thought how it would be if I can spend a whole day without any sort of communication.

I wish I could put something like this. But nothing comes out of thin air. In reality every action has a small reason behind it. And my reason is several articles I read about silence and words. Anyway here goes my experience ‘On the day when I was silent!’
Any sort of communication means no communication with outside world or with any other person! Though that was what i had in mind it did not go like that.

The following words were written on that same day and its written with whatever emotions I had in that moment. Presenting it unedited!

Being silent is just like having a two sided knife! It’s both a boon and bane depending on various times. When you are in anger, you feel like shouting and unable to do it feels very irritable.. Highly irritating. And thr are times wen u r accused of wrong things but u haven’t done anything at those times, u r naturally falsely accused and u r unable to vindicate urself of d false accusations. Also one thing about being silent and giving a bland smile is that it can irritate the person opposite to u too much. Even as I type this stuff I am shaking with anger, irritation and desperation to shout back at many ppl. I feel highly irritating jus for one day that too wen am within my home the whole day! Sad to think about other dumb people who are doomed to unexpress their feelings through mouth! A silent smile is the most irritable thing that u can do to anyone wen they ask a question, wen someone irritates u or wen someone wants to see u get irritated! When we are in utmost anger it is best to keep silent instead of expressing our opinions. When ur voice should really have been raised at a time n if u haven’t done so u will definitely feel that thing deep in ur heart even after u remain silent for a whole day! But if ur anger and the opinion that u were about to express were silly, stupid, unrelated, unwanted or unjust then u would definitely understand that and you will have the inclination to do it after an hour or two!
Silence is definitely a boon and also a bane! This was the experience I gained during the whole day! Thought I tried to be silent without any communication it was a flop and did not work out well. The incessant questions that were shot at me, stupid moments that I had to face, awkward times when I had to do sign languages, irritable frnd who did not know anything about my idea and made me do sign languages as if am playing charades with him (was almost as good as talking).. grr completely irritating! Just as my mom pointed out the day before I started it, it is definitely a big mistake to undergo such a task at home or at domestic circles, it is always better to do it at an isolate location where u can remain completely away from any sort of communication!
One more thing that was both irritating and made feel helpless was the inability to express my frustration at the match between csk and rcb.. The qualifier 1 on 24-05-2011… Initially wen Chennai was batting I wanted to shout at them! Alas mouth was tied by my own brain! Then again the final moment of winning. I din want to spoil my 23.5 hours of struggle in jus one moment. I had to keep my mouth shut again and not shout after they won! So ultimately the day of choosing my little experiment proved to be very wrong! A severe headache both at the start of the game and at the end of the game! But finally the day ended good wen I wished my dear sister a happy birthday after keeping mum for 24 hours!! Jus gr8!
Though the ultimate idea of keeping silent is very great it can still be applied not only on certain special occasions but also on almost all of the days by talking and conveying opinions only when needed and by not going and sticking one’s nose into every trivial happening that goes around us! This has been a great experience today, learned a lot and I do hope that this will pave for better days in the coming days!

Dosai Down Down!!

How could anyone think of something as stupid as this? How could they do it? Why the hell did they do it? How did they come with the correct mixture for such an yuckish dish? Why does everyone get so interested with such a bland food? OMG!!! Just how do people manage to eat it…

I was forced not only to eat this completely plain and tasteless south Indian dish but also to make twenty of the same for my parents and sisters. Pure disgust and loathing imploded in me as I started doing it in the non-stick pan. Seems quite funny that making it is quite easy but eating it requires immense courage and more powerful throat muscles to gulp it down. Further one must have control over their inner tongue since taking a piece of it through the inner mouth definitely creates a sense of nausea when it gets stuck there for a second. Some people like to have it “moru moru”. Oh my God! That definitely tears your mouth. Never ever try it.

Yes… All this hatred is for the famous south Indian dish and my archenemy (in food) – Dosa. I do not know why I have such hatred quite contrary to the fact that I too am a South Indian, who has been in Chennai since birth. Whenever I see people eating it in restaurants, it is amusing. When some of the people I know get excited at the thought of eating dosa I get more amused and look at them with astonishment, contempt and pity. And when I am forced to eat it during breakfast or dinner I get angry on my parents! ;)

What is there in it anyway? For all I know, it’s just rice flour and some other flours mixed together and how did people get to like it so much that it has risen to the point of being a trademark of Chennai and South India.

How much do I hate dosa is a question for which I would like to answer. If I ever get to become a dictator or prime minister of India my first rule would be: Henceforth, preparation and consumption of Dosa at any public outlets, restaurants, motels, public gatherings is illegal and a punishable offence.

Today I had to eat for this horrible circular thing as dinner. The pain is still fresh and hot in my heart just like the hot dosas. It may be a single man’s woe and suffering but this soul will never give up till I get to the bottom of this injustice meted out to me by the society!

‘Dosai Ozhiga!!!’ (Dosai Down Down!!!)

The Magic Hat

When Knowledge is the nectar
Birth is an obligation,
Life a pain,
And death a bliss.

When the truth unravels,
Birth becomes an unwanted intruder
And life an endless wait
For the arrival of the guest – ‘death’.

Open the safe of knowledge
With the key of thoughts
To enlighten the mind of the daring truth
That life is a trivial game show.

Pitiable lives run amuck
Amassing money, power and fame
Afraid of the truth,
And ignorant of the secret
That life is just a magician’s hat.

Divide and Rule: From 1900 to 2000...

Some hundred years back, when the British were finding it difficult to control the riots and mutinies against their rule in India, the British came up with a wonderful tactic which was good enough to make them continue their rule for another half a century. Their idea was ‘Divide and Rule’ policy. They initially started favouring Hindus and went against Muslims who were in the fore front during the 1857 struggle. After 1900s they started favouring Muslims. Though the community who they favoured changed constantly till 1947, they made sure that the age old enmity between Hindus and Muslims always remained afresh. This separatism reached its climax when they decided to split Punjab and Bengal into west and east thereby completely separating Hindus and Muslims both physically and mentally leading to creation of India and Pakistan in the end.

And why am I stating this well known fact now? After sixty years of independence?? Let’s make a quick view of the present Indian situation! Every form, every application and almost every ID card in India has columns like ‘Religion’, ‘Community’ and ‘Caste’. Indian Constitution proudly brags that India is a secular state and every Indian has equal rights – ‘Right to equality’. Here is an excerpt of what was given about right to equality in my primary school book, “Blah… blah… blah… All rights universally apply to all citizens, irrespective of race, place of birth, religion, caste, creed, color or Gender. But certain provision is provided to minority classes for their upcoming.” This last clause of ‘minority class’ constitutes almost 70% in Tamilnadu and around 50% average all over India. Since when did 50% and 70% percent become minority??? I was informed by someone that when constitution was initially formed it was framed in such a way that the privilege was made only for a few years. Then why did it extend till now?

Politics! Apparently, our politicians too find that Divide and Rule Policy is the best way to rule when they are rotting in their own corruption. Split the population into factions, make them brood over their own sect of people, never make them realise the truth and most important of all constantly remind all the important vote sections from which they could extract votes that they are a minority and shower them with more privileges. We have moved a long way from the real caste discrimination when higher class used to discriminate the weaker sections, to self-discrimination where people condemn themselves to the ‘backward classes’ so that they extort maximum possible privilege. It even gets worse: One such ‘community’ still does frequent strikes and bandh demanding the Government to discriminate them to a further backward class. The Government too happily encourages them indirectly. India has degraded from the point where discrimination was seen as cruelty to the point where discrimination is self-inflicted!

So ultimately, I don’t find much difference between India before independence and the present India if you minus the technological developments. The British plundered our wealth for their country in the name of Colonialism and Imperialism and remained in power using the divide n rule policy. At present the politicians plunder our resources, deposit them in tax haven countries and make people ensconced within their shells of caste, community and religion, a modified and better version of divide and rule!!!

Who am I?

To all the patient readers of my blog, i know you would all by know been confused. Initially I talked about Sankara and Advaita, then gradually moved to atheism and claimed that there is no ‘God’. Then suddenly I post a poem of Siva! So who am I? Well, I too am not sure as to which side I am in!

1. I am undoubtedly believer of Advaita, so am an advaitin! I have kept Adi Sankara and his advaita principles at great awe and respect.

2. I am a person who believes that there is only one single source of power and accept many of the universal facts present in Vedas – the source and origin of advaita philosophy.

3. I do accept Sankara’s idea of Shanamta worship ( pray to any of the following six Gods: Siva, Vishnu, Sakthi, Ganesh, Skandha and Suryanarayana) and the ideologies behind it.

Just because am a believer of Advaita doesn’t mean I have to worship God. Advaita says, ‘Atman is Brahman’. That fact is accepted. But what is the need to pray and worship that Brahman (God in general terms)? Yes it is true that there is a single source of power and that everything originated from that single source of power. It has even been proved scientifically. But why should we worship that source? We humans originate from carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and many other elements. Just because we are made of these elements do we worship them? No, because for the simple reason that we don’t find any conscience in them. I wonder who told people that the almighty powerful single source has a conscience. What if the source is just raw power and nothing else? If it is so, then isn’t it similar to praying to a battery or to electricity?

Some of the facts present in Vedas are undeniable and holds good even to this day. But in the modern day world there has been many changes that could not have been predicted in the vedic ages. So naturally some of them are unpractical and unacceptable. An example would be good here.

Vedas point out that Brahmins are not supposed to undergo travel to foreign countries, most importantly not to cross seas and oceans. Reason: Brahmins are vegetarians. So travelling through ships for months together would mean no vegan diet and hence they would be forced to eat fish! Secondly, Brahmins don’t have any work in foreign countries in the social setup of the vedic ages. Their work was to do Yagnas for the welfare of the country. Clearly we could see why it need not be followed now. Travel by air just takes a few hours and they do provide us with vegetarian food. Also the vedic social hierarchy has long been collapsed and Brahmins in the present day are present in all statuses of the society, from doctors to businessmen.

Sankara’s shanmatha tradition was to narrow down the whole range of Gods present in India to a minimum of six. His idea was that once people start following this practice along with advaita principles they would realize the truth about the singularity of God! They would realise the truth, ‘Atman is Brahman!’ Another reason is that you cannot make lesser intellectuals understand the vast and highly deep ideas of Advaita. So it is always better to make them worship a defined set of deities instead of allowing them pray to whatever they find around them, from trees to rocks. It is also one of the reasons that he brought this tradition. But after 1500 years, the tradition is almost forgotten and advaita is a long forgotten word.

So who am I? A person, who believes in a supreme power source (God), and does not believe that worshipping that source, would bring about any change in the lives of humans, since it is of my opinion that there is no need for God to have conscience. But as a matter of fact I find it so hard to put every pressure, tension and stress with myself. I require a vent by which I can let myself free of these feelings. There is no better way of doing it than praying to God. It creates a protective feeling that I have a guard around me, a sense of hope when it seems all is lost. So I do pray to God just to overcome the above said reasons. May be I am a pseudo-atheist, a person who believes that there is no God but still prays and worships God not because I believe any miracle would change my life in a minutes time but just to keep myself comfortable!

According to Hinduism, a person who doesn’t believe in God isn’t considered to be an atheist. An atheist is a person who doesn’t believe in Vedas. But since I believe in Vedas am not an atheist. I am not an agonist since I have no confusion regarding the presence of God. I am sure that there is God! I am not a theist either since I don’t technically accept the presence of a God with conscience! Yes am also confused to the same extent like everyone else who is reading this post!

Comments are welcome as to who you think I am.

சிவ சிவா!! (Siva Sivaa!!)

கருமை கதிர் வீசும் ஜடாமுடி
அதில் அழகே அமர்ந்துள்ள அரைதிங்கள்
நடராஜனுடன் இணைந்தாடும்,
மெல்லிடை கொண்டு,வளைந்து ஆடும்-
ஆகாச கங்கை!

ஞாயிறை இருதுண்டாக கொண்ட கண்கள்
அதன் மேல் ஞாயிறையும் சுட்டெரிக்கும் நெற்றிக்கண்.
ஆலகால நஞ்சை அமுதென அருந்தி
அண்டத்தை காத்த கருநீல சங்குடையான்.

கருநீல கொடியநஞ்சுடைய நாகத்தை
அணியாக அணிந்த மணிகண்டா

நீ என்னுள் சரி பாதி- உமையாளே
நான் உன்னுள் ஒரு பாதி
என பகுத்தறிவு ஊட்டிய வேதநாயகா

அண்டத்தை அழிக்கும் சர்வ சம்ஹாரா!
நீ என்னை அழித்து,
உன்னை என்னில் புகற்றி,
என்னை காப்பாய் ருத்ரநாதா!

நான் உன்னை சரணடைந்தேன் பரபிரம்மமே!!



The english font for people who cant read tamil!

Karumai kathir veesum jataamudi
Adhil azhage amarnthulla araithingal
Nataraajanudan inaindhaadum,
Mellidai Kondu,Valaindhu aadum,
Akaasa gangai

Gnaayirai iruthundaaga konda kannkal
Adhan mel gnaayiraiyum sutterikkum Netrikkann
Aalakaala nanjai amudhena arundhi
Andathai kaatra karuneela sangudaiyaan.

Karuneela kodiyananjudaiya naagathai
Aniyaaga anindha manigandaa

Nee ennul sari paadhi- Umaiyaale
Naan unnul oru paadhi
Ena pagutharivu oottiya Veda naayagaa

Andathai azhikkum Sarva Samhaara!!
Nee ennai azhithu,
Unnai ennil pugatri,
Ennai kappai Rudranadaa!

Naan unai saranadainthen parabrahmame!!

Anticipation

Sitting lonely on the edge of seat,
Waiting from dawn with eyes full of hope,
Holding my breath to get a glimpse
Of her lovely sparkling face.

Thinking of the times we had,
Celebrating the moments we spent,
Dreaming of living them again,
I wait alone for my first love.

The starry nights we spent together,
The fights we had every month,
When you’d vanish without a trace,
For three whole days
And then return with a sheepish little grin.

Patience slipping away,
Anxiety filling in,
Fear creeping in,
And light fading out.

The awaited moment arrives,
When the precious times would return,
As I see her rising between the mountains,
My first love; my reason for life.

Indebted perpetually

A flickering flame,
A dying battle
And a lost soul
Was all that remained in me.

Thoughts obscured,
Ideals violated
And morality loosened
Made life a living hell.

Hope - a farmer’s dream,
Life - a donkey’s burden,
Ambition – a poet’s banter
And I – a speck of dirt
Until they found
The remains of my long lost soul.

Taking me along with them,
Talking sense into me,
And feeding in the fuel
For the fire in me to burn again.

Life – a rebirth,
Pain – a memento,
Dream – an inspiration,
And thoughts a new hope.

Hope – a lighthouse
To cross the sea of life,
And ready to face the tides of misery
Over the boat of self assurance.

Despair to confidence,
Pain to power,
Dope to hope,
And from death to redemption.

To every life who trusted on me,
To every mate who kindled me,
And made me bear the mammoth responsibility,
Am indebted perpetually!


(Truly indebted to a whole lot of friends who were with me during my distressed times as well as happy times, helped me, encouraged me, inspired me and set an example for me... This is for all of them!! :))

Lost Love

Translation of tamil poem ,"காதல் இன்றி அமையாது இவ்வுலகு!!" by my friend Ruban! The link: http://thamizhkavithaigal.weebly.com/

Here goes the translation:
Lost Love

My heart skipped a beat or two-
When I opened out my love.
The moment you disregarded it,
My heart came to a halt.
Though I lost myself in love,
Never will I let love to get lost.

Glad that you never chose me!
For if you had,
My triads would have faded.

Glad that you never chose me!
As now my words portray,
Every angel my eyes stray.

Burying in my lost love,
I save shards of bereft love
And a few left out verses
For the love of my life.

And the original tamil version by Ruban:
காதல் சொல்லி
நீ ‘இல்லை’ என்று சொன்ன
வார்த்தையின் இறுதியில்
இறந்தே போனேன் நான்!

நான் தோற்றுப் போனாலும்
நெஞ்சில் முடக்கி வைத்து
தோற்க விடவில்லை-காதலை!!!

நீ எனக்கு கிடைத்திருந்தால்
உன்னோடே முற்றுப் பெற்றிருக்கும்
என் கவிதைகள் எல்லாம்!

இப்போதோ கண்ணில்படும் தேவதைகள்
யாவரும் கவிதைக்கு கருப்பொருள் ஆகிறார்கள்!

காதல் என்னை துளைத்து வெளியேறியதால் தான்
நான் மனிதனாகிப் போனேன்- ஏன்!
புனிதனாய் கூட மாறிப் போனேன்!!!

காதல் முழுவதையும், கொஞ்சம் கவிதைகளையும்
சேமித்து வைக்கிறேன்-
என் வருங்கால வாழ்க்கைக்காக!!

Scarred Eternally!

A thought so deeply etched in memory
Of a Knife plunged deep into my heart.
A dream that haunts me every night
Of an unfulfilled promise!

Should you come into my life?
And scar me eternally?

The promise of holding hands
And growing old together!
The assurance of a support
In times of need and despair.

Oh silvery old moon!
Why did you have to vanish?
To give way to new moon?

Leaving behind a shadow
Of the times we spent
And the dreams we shared-
A deep crater in my heart.

Should you come into my life?
And scar me eternally?

Ganga

High up above I start my life,
From the icy peaks and glaciers,
As a mere tiny creek from the melt,
A small puddle of pristine water.

Jumping across rocks,
Flowing through ravines,
I come down gushing into valley
Gaining more power, momentum and silt.

Tumbling down from the mountains,
I begin to alter the environ,
Changing the shape of my surroundings
Thus blossoming the life of lives

All is well till monsoon arrives.
Picking up momentum and quantity,
I rage on uncontrollably,
On my own free will.

Wreckage, Havoc, Destruction and Pandemonium,
Death, Sickness, Epidemic and misery,
Are the souvenirs I leave by,
To be remembered for one whole year.

Hope among despair
A lotus among the ditch,
Is the silt I leave by,
The seed of the fertile land.

The Fortunate Folks

The recent demise of a great spiritual leader, Sai Baba of Puttapathri brought lots of emotions and tears from all around the country. From daily labourers to multimillion dollar businessmen, people from every walk of life – the middle class armchair theorists, film celebrities, sportsmen, politicians and even the prime minister mourned his death and paid homage to his lifeless body. Even though some of these newsmakers had to attend the funeral out of moral obligations, there were a whole lot of men who flocked around the place due to their belief in the leader. Many more paid silent homage and shed tears for their holy Guru at their homes. These are people with such great faith in a single being – human or God, whoever he may be. What is interesting is their unflinching faith, the hope that we could see in their eyes, the trust that Satya Sai Baba is the messenger of God.
Not only in this particularly instance I am wondered at the great trust and hope , but also the general hope people keep in their respective Gods and the great length of pain and suffering they undertake in satisfying the needs of their heart and thereby making themselves closer to their God. For the past few days I’ve been witnessing scenes of a holy Hindu gathering to do bhajans at Kamarajar Hall, Chennai. The crowd that gathers is shocking and the animated dances people do in their own trance amazes me. Such huge faith in their God makes them forget their pain, anger, sufferings, pleasure and needs and surrender themselves to their God. How many times do we see seventy and eighty year old men and women standing up from their seats, cheering the singer and dancing to the merry rhythms of the tune? These are the results of pure Bhakti that these people have in their God. This is just an example and am sure that each religion will have a similar story to say. Really, these are the fortunate folks who have such unshakable faith in a being.
Many philosophers of Hindu Dharma say that to experience the essence of God is a rare treasure and is not found by many. Only the fortunate few get such out of the world pleasures. This was repeated in the recent bhajans and my parents backed it too! So what about me? Actually I do support this! Only the fortunate few get such privileges. And if asked whether I belong to that fortunate few category, I am very disappointed in myself that I do not belong to that exclusive group.
Believing to God and praying to god is a wonderful experience. Being a very strong believer of God for almost twenty years I know and do understand the high ecstasy and beatitude people experience in such a practice. When lonely, God gives support; when sad, He gives strength to carry on your sadness till it becomes light; when an injustice is being done to you, He calms you down and reminds you that justice shall prevail in the end; and when all hope is lost; he stands with you and comforts you in your heart. Thus the uses and advantages of believing in God are many. And naturally the unfortunate people like me are stripped of such advantages.
Being made clear that I have no belief in God, people may get the impression that I hate God or I don’t want God to exist etc… But it is exactly the opposite. I fervently wish for God’s existence. I crave for His presence and I am in constant search for signs that insinuate His presence or His identity. After twenty years of being a God believer something hit me hard on my head and made me see the real stupid world and made me realise the bold, raw and daring truth about God. Though brain seems to acknowledge and accept the idea, the inner mind doesn’t want it to be true. At times of distress, unconsciously my mind drifts to God and does a silent prayer even before I try to counteract with the thought to stop it.
On a recent Tirupati trip, one and half months back, which I made only for the sole reason of being an adventurous journey, one of my friends casually said,” Never play with Lord Balaji, he will definitely make you suffer at some point, will you make think about the prank you played with him and will make you resent it”. Again, such an extreme faith. Bravo!! Got touched. For a moment, I wanted to believe his words without further questions and accept them passively! How good would be a world with God!!! Hence I made this small bet with God at this juncture. I prayed, or to say exactly, made a challenge with Lord Balaji for three things. One year time period was given for accomplishment of any one of the three prayers. If atleast one of the three prayers comes true, I would gladly and definitely start believing in God and would further reach the temple by walk itself. But if it doesn’t happen, then I would have to remain in the unfortunate group and be damned forever! One and half months, has passed and still ten more months to go. Let’s see who wins in the end. Hope God wins! Keeping my fingers crossed!
At times, it is better to remain blind and exist in our own virtual world rather than opening our eyes and getting disappointed with the reality!

Man Vs God - Who created Who??

I, Venkatesh, an orthodox brahmin iyer of age 17 was on one of my family tour/outing/pilgrimage with my family to tirupati when my uncle reminded me that Lord Balaji was a very ‘powerful God’ and so I should pray to Him devoutly. I didn’t put much thought into it and did as I was instructed. I prayed to the Lord for everyone’s well being, for good marks in twelfth and to get a good college. As my life progressed, I was attracted towards the philosophy propagated by Adi Sankara, the Advaita philosophy. I started pondering over it and found that the crux of the philosophy was ‘Aham Brahmaasmi’, ‘I am God’!! Being a science student, I was always interested in the cosmic space that existed out of the world; the galaxies, nebula, black holes, star clusters etc which led me to the big bang theory and documentaries of Stephen Hawkins, the theoretical physicist. At this juncture, my mind started comparing the two incomparable – philosophy and science; Advaita and Big bang theory since in essence, both were similar with minor modifications in each. What advaita referred to as Brahman, Big bang theory called it as the start of the Universe – The big explosion.

Almost five years after the tirupati trip I went for another ‘family tour’ to a different shrine where I heard a similar statement being said. About the powerfulness of God, the existence of different Gods with different forms, different characters who even fought each other at some instances. The mind which was pondering over big bang and advaita for a long time, suddenly found the idea of God dumb and stupid. During the course of five years, so much had occurred which had shaped the way in which I see and understand happenings around me. The only question that remained was, “Why did the great Adi Sankara who had such immense knowledge of proposing a version of Big bang theory two thousand years ago without any scientific proof, also bring in the concept of Smartha and Shanmatha tradition of worship?”

Actually the answer was very simple and was connected to the way of Indian lifestyle and religion. Ancient Vedic Religion and the predecessors of these folks worshipped Nature. They had the habit of worshipping anything that was useful to humans and helps them. From the air we breathe in (Vayu Dev) to the energy source of all life on earth, the Sun (Suryanarayanan), everything is worshipped and deified as God. Some of them are: rivers (Ganga, Yamuna etc), food providing plants, elephants (Ganesh), monkey (Hanuman) and even mother Earth herself (Bhooma Devi). The interesting thing to note is that according to Hindu Dharma and Advaita Philosophy whoever the God is, He/She must always come under the reign of the Siva (in Saivism) or Vishnu (in Vaishnavism) or both (in Advaita).

So this brings up another question. What about the other Gods like Rama, Krishna and a whole lot of human-like Gods. They are probably just humans who due to their great deeds and the high respect they earned among their people were praised, their actions were exaggerated and in few generations they were apotheosized and believed as the incarnations of Siva or Vishnu. Rama would have probably been a very good king and his rule should have been so just that they still keep his reign as the gold standard and is referred to as ‘The Ram Rajya’. Similarly Krishna would have probably been a very naughty child from a rich landlord family who in his life turned out to be a very cunning diplomat who managed to change the tides of the great Kurukshetra war! Thus in a similar manner every person who had done good, appreciable deeds have been pushed to the status of God in the course of time.

So my hypothesis is that, the Indians who had the habit of worshipping anything that interacts with the humans and after many generations deified them as Gods, ultimately found the fact that all the elements surrounding and interacting with them always followed a strict ground rules within which they were supposed to exist. These undefined rules should have probably confused them and those unnamed rules were hence called Siva (in Saivism), Vishnu (Vaishnavism) or The Brahman (Advaita) under whom all the other Gods surrender and are answerable to Him alone. Interesting thing to be noted is that in Saivism and Vaishnavism, it was made sure that the presence of Lord Siva or Lord Vishnu be made inaccessible. Hence Siva was given a place in one of the highest peaks of Himalayas near the Mansarovar Lake and Vishnu was given a place in the deep trenches of the Indian Ocean. Had it known that such scientific progress would be made to conquer the mountains and oceans, ancient vedic Indians would have probably shifted both their habitats to other planets or stars!!!

Science on the other hand, by experiments and hypothesis ultimately found the secret behind all the rules within which ‘they’ existed. All such rules were compiled together and a name was given to them collectively. And it’s called ‘PHYSICS’, the laws of nature!!! So my ultimate hypothesis is that Indians who tried to apotheosize every form of nature and every great human who existed during those times also noticed that they were all controlled by and they obeyed according to some unknown rule which they weren’t able to identify and hence named them as Siva or Vishnu, but in reality the rule was nothing but Physics.

Voodoo

(Tried synchronizing the lines with the song from Godsmack: Voodoo)

The Shaman comes by to bring you death,
When you really want to live up your life.
Never will you ever smile through your heart,
And your soul is lost due to your deeds.

The shaman sits by the moonlight
With an effigy in his hands.
Piercing pins through the straw toy,
To torture the soul he wills.

Breathe in Poison, Dream of daylight,
Wish you meet death than this.

You'll be the one who cries out of pain,
When the pangs of hot iron enter your soul.
Never will you ever wish for a life
That I just gobbled into my own.

Sucking life out of your soul,
Draining blood out of your heart,
Body shaking out of pure pain,
Being broken and teared.

Dread for next life; where torture follows,
Pray for the death again.

You'll be the one who cries out of pain,
When the pangs of hot iron enter your soul.
Never will you ever wish for a life
That I just gobbled into my own.

The Silver Moon

One of my Mundane scribblings:

Staring at the Milky Sea
Lying on the golden sand
Gobbling up the infinite beauty
Of the white silver moon.

Happy was I,
With a single twinkling star.
Never knowing the truth,
That it is a death star.

So lonely was I,
With the burn by the star
And the haunting memories left behind,
Stripping me of all emotions.

Then came the silver moon,
With all her untainted glow,
And no one saw me,
Except the silver moon.

Staring at her twinkling eyes,
Awed by her golden strands,
Gobbling up the infinite beauty,
Of her silver moon face.

Him, You and I

Lose your pride; Loser your envy;
Lose your anger and lose your ego.
Lose yourself in the thought of Him.
And let Him steal your body and soul.

Think on Him and Feed on Him.
Feel Him, love Him, be Him and Know Him.
Transform into His self; absorb into Him
And become the One with Him.

Renounce the fleeting worldly pleasures
Leave behind the momentary urges & thoughts;
Rise high to learn the bold truth,
That You and I are none, but Him!!

Aham Brahman asmi!!

The entire universe acts on my whim,
The whole world exists on my thoughts,
And the lives in it exist with my wish,
For I am Him, the Almighty!

Humans yearn to have a glance;
And work to unravel my secret.
Whatever they try, truth still eludes them,
For I am Him, the Omniscient.

I am your love & I am what you hate;
Am in your soul and within your life.
I am all you hate and whatever you want.
I am You and You are mine.
For I am Him, the Almighty!

Lost In Love

The silent words that we shared,
The diffident looks that you wore,
The blushing smiles that radiated;
When I heard your name being uttered.

The way I lost my soul in you,
The way you searched yourself in me,
The day you shared a half of me,
That day I became the rest of you.

Let this moment be frozen.
When we realized the sweet truth
That we are hopelessly drowning
In each other’s sea of love!

P.S: Idea taken from tamil song... Mouname parvayai of Anbe Sivam...

நண்பேன் டா!! (My Friend!!)

Just a small idea that stuck me... Dedicated to all my friends!! :D

பெயரை உரைத்தேன் நேரில் வந்தாய் - மறுகணமே;
துயரம் என்றேன் கை கொடுத்தாய் - உதவிக்கு;
கவலை என்றேன் தோள் கொடுத்தாய் - அழுவதற்கு;
உதவி கேட்டேன் உயிரை தந்தான் - என் நண்பன்!!

English translation:

I called your name and u appeared before me - Immediately;
When i was in sorrow u gave me a hand - To help;
When i was down u gave me a shoulder - To cry;
When i asked for a help u gave your life - My friend!!

நெற்றிக்கண் நாயகன்!!

A tamil version of the same post - Netrikkann Nayagan!!

நள்ளிரவு நேரத்தில் , நடுநிசி இரவில் ;
நாய்கள் ஊளையிட , நரிகள் வேட்டையாட ;
தீமைகள் படைஎடுத்தாட, நன்மைகள் பயந்தோட ;
நிம்மதியை எரித்து , பயத்தை பெருக்கி ;
உணர்வுகளை அழித்து , உயிர்களை கசக்கி ;
ரத்தத்தை குடிக்க , உயிரினை எடுக்க ;
கர்வத்தை அழித்து , ஆணவத்தை ஒடுக்கி ;
உண்மையை நிலைநாட்ட , தீமையை விரட்ட ;
ருத்ர நீலகண்டன் , திருசூல நாதன் ;
அகில பிரம்மா நாயகன் ;
ஆதி அந்தம் இல்லா தருமுலவாசன்;
சினம்கொண்டு வெறி கொண்டு மண் மீது வருவான் ;
நெற்றிக்கண் திறந்து ஜகத்தினை அழிப்பான் !

Raging Phoenix

Gone are the times of Despair,
The times when soul seemed lost,
When life lost its meaning,
When despair engulfed hope.

Gone are the days of immense crisis,
The days of uncontrollable cries,
When life became burdensome,
When each day turned gruesome.

Gone are the period of living dead,
The period of senseless rage boiling in,
When vengeance gave a reason to live on,
When pain gave a shoulder to cry on.

The need to rise and grow;
From abyss to the horizon.
From the ashes of betrayal,
To reach for untainted glory.

Not to stalk; Not to kill;
Not to relish the vengeance.
But to lead a celebrated life,
By breaking the bonds of betrayal.

To savor the beautiful life
To awe at the mysteries of life
To live the life by the second
I take rebirth and start again afresh!

Netrikann nayagan

Since this is my first tamil post please bear with me and do comment on the mistakes!!:)

Nalliravu nerathil, nadunisi iravil;
Naigal oolaiyida, narigal vettaiyada;
Theemaigal padayeduthada, Nanmaigal bayanthoda;
nimmadhiyai erithu, bayathai perukki;
unarvugalai azhithu, uyirgalai kasakki;
rathathai kudikka, uyirinai edukka;
garavathai azhithu, aanavathai odukki;
unmayai nilainaatta, theemayai viratta;
rudra neelakantan, tirusula nathan;
akila brahma nayagan;
aadhi andham illaa tharumulavasan;
sinamkondu veri kondu mann meethu varuvan;
netrikkann thirandhu jagathinai azhippan!

Renunciation

Love is just a rose with thorn,
Greed is like a futile war,
Lust is just a moment's want,
And Life is just a passing dream.

Renounce them all and see the world,
To know how silly our actions are!!
Tangled in such worldly webs,
Drowning through the bog of time,
The fleeting life passes on,
Never to grasp the truth of life!

Chance Vs Destiny!!

A WORD OF CAUTION: People who have faith in God, pls dont read this stuff.. Not meant for u!! U wont understand!!

Life is supposed to be a fun filled n thrilling experience with full of surprises. And how does life become so thrilling and adventurous? I mean how is life full of uncertainty? A small decision that u take at some point of time in ur early life may affect ur future to a huge extent, either on a positive side or on the negative side! So how does this series and successions of events that occurs one after the other help in shaping up the future of an individual, a group or society? On what basis does these actions influence us?

It is true that all our actions have a cumulative effect on the future of ourselves and all other matter in the universe. So what is the cause and reason for such domino effect? Is it just random happenings that get interconnected by pure chance to form our future or is it all well defined and pre-determined course of actions?

Let us consider that everything occurs only and purely by chance. Then it means that a series of haphazard and completely unconnected events occurred throughout the universe, gets connected randomly and such series of cumulative events overlapped together and finally resulted in the present state of the universe, world, life, you , me and everything around us. So everything happened just by chance!! Let this sort of thinking be called 'The Chance Effect'

The next idea is that there is some sort of supreme soul or power or an ego present in the entire universe which has already preplanned everything which has to happen at every point of time and moves towards it as we speak. Or we can take that every smallest known particle present (lets name it 'The G particle') has a conscience or a unique mind of its own which is connected to every other such similar G particle and such particles has a sense or purpose of its own. Hence all the G particles strive and preplan every action which has to take place and go for it. So ultimately the final idea is that every happening taking place around us and the present state of the universe, world, life, you and me are all preplanned!! Let this sort of thinking be called 'The Destiny Effect'

So how does these two ideas have to do anything with our day to day life??? Well... Here i explain the implications of each of the idea to our lives.

According to the Chance Effect every action in our day to day lives lead to further random series of events. And the end point is?? Nothing... It helps in achieving no cause at all, however significant and important ur work is towards development of lifeform, humans or the earth itself. So why do we waste our lives in the trivial matters of the earth? Whatever we achieve and however important it is, finally it will get wiped off from the earth or solar system along with the lifeforms present when after some million years the sun blows up!

But according to the destiny effect the supreme soul or the G particle has already mapped out every single action which is done, must be done and will be done by humans and all of the events that has occurred so far in the universe. At every moment of the Universe, the supreme force tries and aims to reach for the final climactic event which is its goal. It tries to channel every particle in the universe for the completion of its goal. Hence every action, however significant or insignificant it seems to be contributes to the same amount towards the climax for the universe, including all the works done by the humans in earth. So we all are puppets of the grand design of the supreme force and each of our actions are already preplanned.

Thus we have two theories to embrace now! Either to choose the chance effect and accept the idea that our life, work and presence in this world is useless and insignificant or to choose the destiny effect and be glad for contributing towards the grand design of the supreme force. If we do choose the chance effect, then naturally it means that we accept the fact that all our actions and our life has no reason or meaning and thereby it is better to renounce everything and lead a simple, bland life. But if we persist on sticking to the destiny effect, then every simple action of every living being and particles present in the universe contribute to the same amount towards the universal goal! So however insignificant a person's job or work may be he can be glad for contributing a significant part towards the goal and continue his work with pride. Similarly a person with great power or responsibility should not boast upon his importance for he must understand the fact that he is just a puppet of the supreme force and he too contributes the same amount towards the goal just as every single being!!

P.S: The ideas and thoughts are purely personal opinions of myself and my friend, Lohith. Further I'd like to thank Lohith for the chat we had which helped in bringing out such ideas which was the cause for the blog!

The Eagle Myth (Garuda Puranam)

As the judgement day of Christ,
So does the myth of east,
As lords' recitation for just,
From death to the place of rest.
From the mind boggling heaven,
To the mind screeching bays of hell,
For the sinful, unrighteous& ignorant,
The place of eternal misery.

The path of soul from death; with the demented souls,
Through the lands of dead; hearing the unholy houls;
Through the rivers of blood; passing through the leechful ghouls;
To cross the six cities of dread; the cities of death Lord Himself;
To crave for crumbs of bread; waiting for their progenies' help;
Reaching the Lord for just; to be thrown to the mouths of hell.

THE DEVIL HUNTS

The Devil hunts the deep of hearts;
The Devil hunts my deepest parts;
Is there a place for me to hide and pray;
Or is this how it goes in an unending way?

The Devil hunts, who goes so far,
To rip his soul n scatter it apart,
The way I tried to hide and pray;
Pray to every Gods I've known;
No matter what I pray and cry,
The devil stands waiting to rip me apart.
Draining my life and sucking out happiness,
Feeding me with pain, despair and suffering.
The Devil gains strength every second,
Making God a mere puppet of him.

No one else can save me from him now!

I am sinful of everyone known so far,
And the God trembles to see me cry,
Neither can He answer my prayers,
Nor can He face me again.
Shattered, defeated and lost,
This is how I make my way,
To the Devil's gateway of Hell,
And become the One with the Devil.

Suicidal Pleasure

Pain searing through my veins,

Anger clouding my thoughts,

Hatred eating me alive,

Death engulfing me a whole.



Yearning to enjoy the pain,

Waiting for the end of life,

Straining to stop my breath,

To bring in to me the ecstasy of death.



Blood gushing out of mouth,

Eyes popping out of sockets,

Throat strangled by the chord,

Hanging from the roof writhing in pain.



As life flashes through my eyes,

As heart finally prepares to rest,

I finish off my evanescent life,

To reach for eternal peace.

A few questions to be pondered!!

As Shaman( myself) and his fellow immortal (Lotosai) were discussing about life, God, purpose etc.. a few questions popped out... Although certain hypothetical assumptions were made and the questions were answered, the answers depend solely upon the 'hypothesis' .. So deeply etched in our minds, the questions still remain fresh and same.. Here they are to be pondered by others!

1. Why did simple molecules like sugar, amines, acids etc combine and group together to form complex molecules like proteins, DNA and finally end up in an assemblage called 'The Cell'?

2. Why does life has the tendency to propagate? To achieve what purpose?

3. Where is this propagation and evolution of lifeforms heading to?

4. How did evolution get so twisted that finally these complex assembly of molecules finally are able to think about molecules itself (themselves)?

5. Are all of the occurrences in earth, solar system and universe interconnected and predestined?

6. If yes, then who created that destiny? Was this destiny created by a power which humans so easily name as God?

7. If not, then did every action that has occurred from starting moments of bigbang, till date is governed only by chance\randomness?

8. Is there a supreme power, called God and is this the power which has already decided every action we perform and will perform?

And the million dollar question is!!!

9. What is the purpose of life? what is the reason for life to be present on the universe? what purpose does it accomplish?

The Force and The Brahman

At around 800 C.E a baby was born in Kerala, by name Sankara to a brahmin couple who wanted a son but weren't blessed with one. Myth says that the couple prayed to Lord Siva at Vadakkunathan temple for a son. The Lord accepted their prayers and gave them a choice. Either to have sons who would live long lives but with mediocre intelligence or a single son with short life but highly intellectual. It is said that the couple chose the latter choice. Sankara like a dutiful brahmin boy went to gurukul, learnt scriptures, Vedas etc in a very short span. Unable to being bound by the earthly lives, he embraced sanyasa and started propagating his ideas and cerebrations through the length and breadth of the country.
So what is the idea propagated by Sankara? The answer is too simple. His ideas which are referred to as Advaita philosophy simply means lack of duality, a Singular Power. Adi Sankara referred to the Singular Power as 'The Brahman', the ultimate soul.
Advaita states that every individual is a part of the eternal soul, The Brahman. There is no difference between each and every living and nonliving thing. Everything originated from Him and will end in Him. Each and every individual is separated from Him by the worldly distractions that surrounds him and prevents him from attaining the ultimate knowledge, the truth about 'The Brahman'. Sankara even details out these distractions and the measures to be followed to come out of the worldly web which is beyond the scope of the blog! Perhaps I will save it for some other day.

The next question that arises is who is the 'Him' and where is the 'Him', about who Advaita and Sankara shower encomiums? He is not the one to be visualized. You are Him. Everything around you is Him. Every single constituent in the universe is a part of Him. Him is nothing but the energy that flows through the cosmic space, into each and every organism, that which makes our heart beat, pump blood, think about Him etc.

Around 1100 years later a german theoretical physicist by name, Hans Albert Einstein stumbled upon the idea of Theory of Relativity and gave a simple equation E=mc2, which became the platform for other scientists to expand and prove the existence, creating and the current position of our Universe.

Theories about Universe started developing based on Relativity and finally they came up with 'The Big Bang model'. The model provided insights to how a big explosion occured at some point of time after which the universe which was of size less than a quark started expanding rapidly to reach this present state. The theory states that when big bang occured, the laws of physics, gravity, force etc came into being. If there had been a minuscle change in the laws during the creation, then i'd probably not writing this blog, the world wouldn't have existed and the whole universe would have collapsed within femto seconds after the big bang.

Hawking even goes a step beyond this and contemplates that even as we talk new universes are created with a big bang outside our dimension. The laws required to stabilise a universe may not always be created during the Bang. Gravity may not be thr in some universe, gravity may repel in others, conversion of mass to energy and vice versa may not occur, entropy may decrease etc leading to collapse of the other Universes.

So after this successful big bang thingy, matter - antimatter interaction occurred and matter emerged triumphant, quarks, protons, neutrons, electrons and atoms were formed, hydrogen came up, H2 under gravity came close, created intense heat resulting in fusion of H2. Then came the mini stars which produced helium as they died, along with carbon, neutron mass and some light elements. During death, the explosion that followed threw the elements to far away regions. The cycle continued and finally heavy metals like gold, platinum, uranium, silver etc were also formed by the same mechanism. A similar formation of a star with many elements resulted in the birth of Sun and its planets. And that's how earth was formed. Life evolved as time progressed in it and finally the life which formed, started thinking about its creator, for which many different names were given as time progressed. Adi Sankara calls the creator as 'The Brahman', Christianity as 'Lord' or 'The Father' and Islam as 'Allah' but modern physicists call them simply as Force, Nature or Physics.

So from the big bang point of view, everything originated from the big bang. Everything around you, including you, your pen, your PC, the breakfast you had in the morning, the stars, planets, moons, galxies etc all originated from the big bang. Everything gets recycled again n again.

Now scroll up and look what advaita says. The crux of both the philosophy and theory are the same. Just the name of the Universal set comprising of all things in the Universe differs. Advaita calls it as The Brahman whereas modern theoretical physicists refer to it as Raw force and Physical laws governing the Universe.

The main aim of advaita philosophy is to prevent future births for every life on earth. To attain 'moksha'! To escape from the continuous cycle of birth and death and mingle together with Him. Having proved Advaita is almost similar to Big Bang, the previous point or the aim of advaita may seem to be an anomaly or flaw in Advaita which 'The Big bang' fails to vindicate. But it is not. As I already mentioned, everything originated from the big bang.

Hypothetically let us consider a star 'X', which was formed by hydrogen fusion, resulting in helium. The helium, under gravity moves towards the core where further pressure and temperature at later stages of the star increases resulting again in fusion and creation of heavier and denser elements like carbon, nitrogen which again undergo the same processes and finally heavy metals are created. During death of the star, the star bursts and the elements are spread throughout the cosmic space. A portion of it reaches a dense mass of hydrogen gas area (nebula 'Y')and thus develops a new star out of it called Sun and other planets including earth. So whateva that is present in the earth comes from the star 'X' and nebula 'Y' including humans.

So from where do we come from? Star 'X' and Nebula 'Y'. Now let us go into the future. Five billion years from now, the Sun would have used up all of its hydrogen, starts using helium, it puffs up like a giant red balloon and would engulf all the planet of the solar system. When the Sun explodes it throws out chunks of essential elements and molecules to outer space just like the star X. Thus a group of hydrogen atom formed during big bang formed 'X' from which our earth came, human body came and finally the elements go to some other nebula becoming cradles for new stars and planets and may be even new life.

Something strikes a bell?? U can always scroll up and check for the advaita aim. There isn't much difference between the two. Does it? So does tat mean that Sankara knew about the big bang model, cosmic space, birth and death of stars etc? If so why doesnt he explain it properly then? Considering the superstitions, the understanding capability and IQ of humans 1200 years back, Sankara would probably have thought that it was better to coat the bitter truth with the sweet flavor of God instead of breaking the truth directly and be ostracized.

Cycle of life

Grateful to God for the life given;
Grateful to life for the experiences bestowed;
Grateful to experiences for revealing the truth;
Grateful to truth for showering me with knowledge;
Grateful to knowledge for showing the path to God.

Relations

People... What is the ultimate motive behind life ? What is the general characteristic of the normal population? What does a human expect from fellow humans? Answer to all these questions are the same. Self interest. Selfishness is the characteristic of every life form in this world. Its just the name given to the form of selfishness that varies. Friendship, lover, wife, children, husband, father, mother, siblings, guru, God etc... Call it whatever u wish. The motive is the same; stay happy till the end of one's life by exploiting the so called relations around you and self-propagate his/her genes to the next generation.

Let us consider the so called motherhood - the selfless love that mother gives to her child. Total crap. The child is her self. Her future. The key to move into future generation. Thus selfish in nature. Motherhood definitely strives for the well being of the offsprings and thereby protecting her own genes. We can even extend this concept to the parenthood, i.e, mother and father.

And what about friendship, lover, wife etc? These belong to other category. All these relations are aimed mainly upon self interest, self improvement, seeking comfort at times of distress, providing comfort so that the receiver may reciprocate the same at times of need to the giver.

So what about selfless charity, donating organs, donating blood. A person is forced to wonder if nothing is selfless, then into what category these fit in. No doubt. They too are selfish acts! It is just that the degree of selfishness varies between persons. A person may care only about himself, or only about his surroundings, or only about his people. This sort of 'self' can even cover fellow humans.

Being selfish outwardly is just common. It doesn't give a right to another individual to comment on the egoist as if the commentor is a pure selfless pristine soul. These 'pristine souls' are either people who refuse to accept the hard truth that he/she is also egoist or they conceal their motives to the public too well by sugar coating them with the idea of 'philanthropy' unlike a raw egoist who thereby can only be blamed for his/her disability to conceal their ideas to the public.

So what is the mantra then? What am i coming to say? Simple... 'BE SELFISH AND CARE ABOUT U AND UR SURROUNDINGS. DON GIVE A DAMN FOR OTHERS' FEELINGS, INTENTIONS AND MOTIVES UNLESS THEY ARE IN SOME WAY CONNECTED TO YOU'